Beauty in the Dissonance (Sigyn)

[Loki Laufeyson]

I am the monster parents tell their children about at night.

His steps were slow and heavy. Thor was banished, and Odin had fallen into the Odinsleep. Frigga remained at Odin's side. And he… well….

Again Loki looked at his hands. They had betrayed the secret that day in Jotunheim. Loki had followed his brother into battle, unaware of the outcome that awaited them all. The campaign had led to Thor's punishment, being imprisoned in a mortal body in order to learn humility. Meanwhile, Odin, who had been putting off his Odinsleep for some time, would continue to rule Asgard, and all would be well for everyone. Except for Thor, of course.

Except that circumstances had not seen fit to leave things there. Coincidentally, Loki had made a deal with Laufey, the king of Jotunheim and the Frost Giants, to help Laufey invade Midgard using the Casket of Ancient Winters. This had happened some time before Thor's excursion into Jotunheim. Had Loki known then what he presently knew, he would most certainly have reconsidered the plan.

The palace - nay, the entire city - was shrouded in somberness, and everywhere he went, those he passed nodded and bowed to him. It was a most strange, almost eerie feeling. He had never aspired to rule; he had always known the burden would fall to Thor. All he had wanted was the freedom to do as he pleased, and he'd had that, for the most part. Now….

He entered the salon of the vast wing he shared with Sigyn. Fortunately, she was in, perhaps because dusk was beginning to fall now. She was an active spirit, always seeming to be full of energy. So was Loki, at his best, but at the moment, all he felt was tired. She stood as he entered the room, probably sensing his anguish. Or perhaps she had already heard the news.

Immediately he went over to her. Normally, he would have embraced her, but this time, he stopped short. How would she feel about being embraced by a monster?

"Sigyn…." He had to say this now, to get it all out. "Odin has fallen into his Odinsleep. Frigga remains at his side. With Thor banished, she has appointed me regent. I now rule Asgard as its king, and you are my queen."

He paused, almost shuddering. There was nothing in his voice, no joy or pain over his sudden appointment as Asgard's lord. No, the pain belonged to something else, something as yet unsaid. He wanted to take her in his arms, but if she refused him after what he would tell her next, he would understand. He was repulsed by himself; why should she not be as well?

"… There is more. I have learned that I am not Odin and Frigga's son. My entire life has been a series of lies." He looked at her, something resembling fear in his eyes. "I am not who I thought I was. I am not… what you think I am."

[Sigyn Laufeyson]

Sigyn was in their chambers, pacing up and down. She was awaiting Loki anxiously. Of course, the news about Odin had reached her already, whispers carried it through the streets. Sigyn's feelings were walking a mile a minute.

With Odin in his sleep already and Frigga by his side, Thor banished, the ruler of Asgard by law was...Loki. Loki happened to be her husband. And that made her the queen of Asgard. The Queen. It was hard to wrap her mind around that fact. Sigyn had never strived to become queen. She had never even thought of it. She had...she just didn't know.

But there was worse and more important matters.
Loki's brother was gone, his father sleeping, kind of gone as much. Loki shared difficult relationships with both, but they loved each other. How would he fare? She'd comfort him, she'd do anything to help and support him, she'd be anyone he needed her to be right now. Sigyn was sick with worry, even though Loki probably was neither far, nor had he been gone for days or weeks, like he did when being in battle. Every minute lasted an hour. Greta was checking on her regularly, but Sigyn had sent her out. Loki probably did not want anyone around once he arrived. Apart from Sigyn, of course.

And then, finally, the door opened. Sigyn changed direction, hastened towards the door.
And stopped dead in her tracks. The air around Loki was very strange, cold almost. His face was hard, his eyes were...empty. Why were they empty.
"My love I am so,-...", she started, but was cut short by Loki.

She felt terribly helpless. For millenia, she had been with this man and she had never seen him like this. He did not come over to hug her, to be hugged, to share affection. Nothing. He stood there, like a creature carved in stone and reported about Odin soberly.
"I have heard. I am so sorry, my lo,-", she started, but yet again, Loki continued to speak.
Something was utterly utterly wrong. Sigyn could not put her finger on it. And when he told her, she did not understand a single word. What was he talking about? She stared at him. No word was said. Sigyn tried to process the information, yet he had not really given her any information.
"Loki," she said, as calm as possible, but failing to hide the worry in her voice, "What are you talking about?"
She made a step towards him. And another. And another. When she had reached him, she put her hands on his arms, if he let her. This was probably the scariest thing she had ever seen.

[Loki Laufeyson]

It seemed Sigyn had indeed heard the news. It was not hard to believe. Every rumor spread like wildfire in Asgard, so how much so the news that there was a new ruler? It would likely have come as a surprise as well, though it was the natural order of things that Loki should now be king. He wondered what the people thought of that, of the dark, brooding runt of an Aesir becoming their ruler.

Thor's banishment had been hard on Loki. He had not expected it. And without Thor around, Loki's life became a bit empty. Thor had provided a lightness to life, an unpredictability and a sense of adventure. And it was not as though he was dead - he lived, but without any realization of who he was - and he would certainly return one day. But until then, Loki ruled supreme.

He had mixed feelings on that.

On one hand, Loki fully believed that he was a better ruler than Thor would be. Where Thor would run headfirst into situations with a warrior's typical lack of caution, Loki was calculating, far-seeing. Loki would be far more diplomatic, if one could consider manipulations "diplomatic." He would not drag his people into unnecessary wars, at least. Thor lived for the thrill of battle. That was dangerous for a peaceful people.

This also meant that Loki had even more freedom to do what he wanted. With no one to answer to, he could do whatever was needed, whatever he deemed necessary. And he could show everyone that he was worthy of this position, of having been raised among the Aesir. Yet the responsibility… was a bit much. He had been happy with his former life, pulling the occasional trick here and there, making things complicated for the fun of it. Now he was more or less tied to remaining in Asgard, looking out for the relative good of is people.

Had that been all of the news for the day, Loki might have been able to bear it with grace. He would do what was asked of him. Yet there was more, there was something else that concerned him. This was just the start of his troubles.

Earlier, he had told Sigyn of what had transpired in Jotunheim. While battling Frost Giants, Loki's arm had been grabbed by one of the beasts, and his armor had been frozen away, right down to the skin. Yet where he should have been frostbitten, his skin had turned blue, with ridges running along it. Just as a Frost Giant's skin.

Thinking about it, he had been unable to think up a reason for his skin to change as such, and, talking about it with Sigyn, the only conclusions they had been able to draw were to do with magic.But there had been a sneaking suspicion in the back of Loki's mind, and it had been confirmed with the Casket of Ancient Winters. The artifact should have frozen him solid when he touched it. And then Odin had appeared.

"I am not their son." Loki repeated his words, both because Sigyn had failed to understand and because he could scarcely believe it himself. "I am…"

Closing his eyes, he called forth the cold within him, not releasing it, but simply bringing it to the surface. There would be a slight chill to the air around them, but nothing threatening, though Sigyn might wish to remove her hands due to the cold. His skin was turning blue, and soon all of his visible skin had become that of a Frost Giant, hard and blue and forbidding. His eyes glowed red, but somehow managed to still convey sadness and confusion.

Some time passed before he spoke again. His explanation was obvious now, except for one thing. "I am Laufey's son."

[Sigyn Laufeyson]

The frown on her face could not have been deeper. She didn't understand. Or maybe, if she thought about it, she would? Loki had told her about what had happened in Jotunheim, when he had been touched by a frost giant. But both of them had blamed it on magic, nothing else. How could they have ever expected something like this to be the origin of Loki's skin changing?

He didn't only explain then. He showed her. The air around the cooled down, Sigyn's skin was soon covered in goosebumps. She had her hands on his arm, so she realized, the coldness radiated off him. "Loki, wha,-"is going on?, she was about to say. But Loki turned entirely blue and cold. He turned into a frost giant. Jotun. Sigyn blinked. Once, twice. Over her utter utter surprise, she did not act, did not pull her hands away, even though her skin cooled down more and more.

Loki Odinson was a lie. Loki Laufeyson was the truth.

Loki's logic was flawed nonetheless. Even though his eyes were not their beautiful, usual green, but red, there still lingered sadness. Hurt. Had he broken? Loki had always struggled to impress Odin, now it turned out the Allfather was not his father. Millenia had passed ever since they had exchanged their vows. They had gone through bad times and times that had been even worse. The loss of their children, Thor's banishment, to name a few. But moreover, they had gone through so many happy times. The births of their sons, their first years being utterly, head over heels in love. Like teenagers, that could not keep their hands off the other. And their love had never faded. It was growing deeper with every day.

And now, her husband was standing in front of her with the worst pain in his red eyes she had ever seen. They'd have to talk. They'd have to plan. But this was not due right now. Sigyn's eyes changed as she was using her magic to increase her body temperature, merely for the sake of getting rid of the frost on her hands and moreover....still be able to touch him. Within an instant, she closed the distance. Her upper body was touching his. So cold...
Sigyn cupped his face with her hands, turned his head so he'd look at her. "Look at me, Loki," she commanded him in a strong, yet gentle voice.
"I don't care. Listen to me, I do not care. I did not marry you for your nature or status. I married you for you. What matters to me is who you are, not what you are. I married Loki. Not a Prince or an Asgardian. I do not care.", she begged, repeated herself and actually, reprimanded him in despair. She saw how hurt he was. Sigyn almost forced him to look at her.
Obviously, from the way he had put his introductory speech, he assumed Sigyn to be freaked out. Reconsider the vow she had given him so many years ago. How wrong could he possibly be.

They had yet to talk about a lot of things. Did the lack of Odin's biological fatherhood indeed effect his fatherhood alltogether? How was Loki feeling? But for now, she had to make a point.

Loki Odinson was a lie. Loki Laufeyson was the truth.
And so, Sigyn Laufeyson was the truth, as well.

[Loki Laufeyson]

It had been many years before, beyond the reach of Loki's memory, but he could imagine it as though he had been there. An epic battle, one to last the ages. Laufey's eventual defeat. Asgard's victory. And amidst it all, a baby, abandoned for its small size. A victor carrying home his spoils.

Why? He had asked Odin and not received the answer he wanted. He was to have been a piece in a game, a bargaining chip. A tool for diplomacy. That was all. And the truth had been kept from him all this time, when he could have been aware of who he really was. Frigga had explained the reasons behind that, but he also found those reasons unsatisfactory.

Loki did not look at Sigyn when she touched him. He felt ashamed, more than he ever had of anything. More than he did over his past parenting, more than when he had cheated on her so long ago. He was nothing, no one, just a monster that the likes of Thor found sport in killing. He was lower than the lowest of Asgardian criminal scum, lower even than the mortals. He was absolutely, irreparably pathetic.

Why did she not care? Even he cared. He was not fit for a woman like her. As far as he knew, he had not one drop of Aesir or even Vanir blood in him. He was not even a proper Jotun.

"Sigyn, I am the son of an enemy, bred of a race of monsters. Were anyone else to learn of this, I would be laughed at and run out of the realm. You do not have to do this." As far as he was concerned, he had lied to her about who he was on the day they had wed, though of course he had been wholly unaware of the lie. That was enough to annul their marriage if she wished it. Loki certainly did not wish it, but he also did not want to insult her honor. A goddess married to a Frost Giant, godhood status notwithstanding? It was laughable.

But he was not so far gone to not see how upset she was. With an inward sigh, he returned himself to normal, his skin warming to its normal temperature, the blue tint gone from his body and the red gone from his eyes. She had been brave, to have approached him and held him so close. Why? Did her loyalty extend so far as to bring her into the arms of death?

Torn, he knew not whether he should pull her closer or push her away. He followed his instinct and pulled her in as close as he could, even though it meant she would feel that he was shaking. "Everything will have to change. All my plans…." He felt destroyed, as though he had been beaten down to nothing and forced to rise again. He would have to completely rebuild himself, his plans, everything he had ever counted on. It would take time and energy, and at the moment, he just wanted to lie down and pretend none of this was happening.

The plans with Laufey would be the first to go. He would have to fully rethink that. For now, though, he had what he needed. Sigyn was in his arms, and she had accepted him.

He hoped.

[Sigyn Laufeyson]

The cold was getting to her. Her magic kept her warm for now, but a frost giant's ice was different to winter or any other coldness alike. She couldn't let go now. Loki needed her to be strong. He avoided looking her in the eyes. Sigyn felt her despair growing. But with growing despair, her determination to prove her loyalty to him increased.

"You are my husband and no one will laugh at you," she said, louder than she had expected. Was there a hint of anger in her voice? Possibly. Loki was not to be laughed at. He was a great man, cunning, beautiful and smart. She loved him and this revelation did not change a thing about it. Sigyn would not allow this to break him. She had yet to learn more about this story, about the conversation she had obviously had with his parents. Somehow, she was angry at Odin for not having told Loki earlier, but Sigyn knew she had too little information right now to make any judgement whatsoever. Right now, it was about easing Loki's pain and being there for him.

The relief she felt when he finally moved into her arms and changed back to his other shape knew no bounds. Sigyn sighed, wrapped her arms around him. He was shaking and she held thim even tighter. With her lips close to his ear, she whispered, "Nothing will draw me away from you, Loki. We will figure this out. If by my life or death I can protect you, I will."

Her love and loyalty went beyond the oath she had sworn to him. If a situation came up, they adjusted. They always had.
"Come," she said, taking his hand to guide him through the room, into their bedroom. Loki looked exhausted, damanged. She'd fix it. Or die trying. Sigyn closed the door behind them and returned to Loki. She met his gaze and then, started to undress him. Sigyn had no indecent plans, she just wanted to get his armor off him at least. Gentle fingers were opening the buttons and straps, so she could take off the cape and plates. She took her time though.
And also, she'd give him time to ponder whether he wanted to explain right now or later. Sigyn insisted on knowing what had happened. They shared everything. Maybe, Loki needed to get his thoughts in order first.

[Loki Laufeyson]

As much as Loki would have liked to spend all the time in the world trying to recover, he was the king now, and would undoubtedly have matters to attend to. With any luck, they could wait until the morning. Here in their chambers, Loki was no king, no prince, no Jotun or Aesir. He was only Loki, and he was being comforted by the woman he loved.

He bowed his head. What if they did laugh at him? What then? Would Frigga perhaps come to his aid? He did not think for a second that he might be able to defend himself. No, he would have to prove himself worthy. How, he was unsure. But he was becoming more and more certain that for everyone save Sigyn, he would have to earn their respect once again, if he had ever earned it in the first place.

As she pulled him closer, he sighed as well, releasing a breath he had not realized he had been holding. She would stand beside him. He could count on her. The words he uttered were softer than a whisper, barely discernible, meant for himself as much as for her. "If by my life or death I can prove myself worthy of your loyalty, I will."

He let her lead him into their bedroom and disassemble his armor. By now she was faster at taking it apart than he was. She understood that he needed to rest. He could feel it all weighing on him. The recent anniversary of Narvi's death, the loss of Thor, and now this mess. It threatened to overpower him, push him involuntarily back into the comfort of numbness.

"It was the Casket," he said as she undressed him. "I went to it, to see if… to see what would happen. I touched it, picked it up, and Fa- Odin entered. He saw me as you just have. He had to explain, then. After all this time… he had to explain.

"It seems that after the battle in Jotunheim, when he retrieved the Casket, Odin also found me. A babe, abandoned. He brought me to Asgard, in hopes that I might one day be the basis for a truce between the two realms. I was nothing but a tool, a game piece to be used at his convenience." His tone had turned bitter, and he clenched his jaw.

"That was when he fell into his Odinsleep. The stress was too much, I suppose. But what have I to do? I cannot just fall into some life-giving slumber, for who would rule Asgard then? It was selfish of him, to leave me like this, just when I needed him!" Now he was angry, but only for a moment. Soon he was calm again, after taking a breath or two. Once Sigyn had removed all of his armor, he began to pace around the room.

"I don't need him. I learned from him, at Thor's side. I can be just as effective a ruler as either of them." Now he was talking to himself, trying to reassure himself, though he only vaguely recognized it. "By now, Laufey's minions will have retrieved the Casket. If I can stop the invasion of Midgard…. it will convince everyone of my power once and for all."

[Sigyn Laufeyson]

Loki did not have to prove anything to her. Sigyn would not have remained at his side all those years if he had yet to earn her loyalty or prove worthy of it. She loved him. It was as simple as that. For better and for worse. A little change of plans or history would not change it. She was the Goddess of Loyalty for a reason. Whatever Loki made of this, she'd support him.

When he started to talk, she was relieved. Loki talking was much better than Loki saying nothing. Here, in their chambers, it was just him and her, no one else. If he stopped talking to her, something would be utterly utterly wrong. Two halves of a whole, forevermore. She knew about his numbness, she knew how little he disclosed about himself to the outer world. Sigyn didn't consider herself part of that outer world. If the day ever came that Loki would not share with her, she wouldn't know how to proceed. She needed him. And she needed him to trust and confide in her. For if he did not do that, she would not be able to do the same. They'd grow bitter.

Patiently, Sigyn was removing his armor, listening to Loki. He was ranting, but she knew he was terribly terribly hurt. Loki speaking with such anger, with such bitterness was rare. If he did, something had seriously gotten to him. He, who kept his calm most of the times, speaking with emotion. Sigyn shuddered inwardly. Of course, she was shocked. She struggled not to shake, because Loki had no use for a shaking Sigyn right now. She'd take her time later on. Once he was taken care of.
She froze for a moment when he said he had touched the casket. That had been kind of reckless, had it not? Who could have known what would happen? Of course, Loki must have been curious and worried, after the incident in Jotunheim. She had not been aware how deep those thoughts had reached.
"Hadn't he taken you, you would likely have died, my love," Sigyn said. Loyalty did not equal being naive, approving of everything he said. Odin had most likely saved Loki's life by taking him in. On the other hand, if he indeed had planned to use him to create truce, he should have told him the moment Odin had fallen in love with the little boy. Sigyn did not doubt that Odin did love Loki. It had grown over the years. Nevermind Thor, his father had held both of his boys in his heart. It was visible on Odin's face so often. That didn't change the fact that he had waited millenia to tell Loki. And when he had, it had been in a situation of pressure. The Allfather had not cared to have a one-on-one with his boy. That was not right. Being a mother - or having been -, Sigyn did not approve of such conduct. Even if she was torn between sympathy for Odin, who had saved a forlorn child, and anger for having hurt Loki like this.
"He should have told you. Long before he had to. Long before you found out yourself.", she said, removing the last part of Loki's armor, who was now dressed in his heavy pants and tunic, only. She arranged his armor accordingly. A servant would clean it later. Sigyn sat down on the bed's edge, hands in her lap, one foot pulled underneath her bum. She could only watch him pace and talk to himself.

There was nothing to prove, as far as she was concerned. Nobody seemed to know, but Loki, his parens and now, Sigyn. She did understand where Loki was coming from. For all his life, he had struggled to prove himself compared to Thor. He was leaner, he was weaker, he was not as shiny and flamboyant as the God of Thunder. Now, there was an explanation for it. Moreover, there was another strike of fate that created the urge to prove himself. However, he was emotional. Hurt. This was not the time for big decisions. Loki had made a secret deal with Laufey, Sigyn knew that. It was so ironic now that he knew he was in fact the frost giant's son.
"Loki," Sigyn said, calmly. Loki kept on pacing. "Loki!", she repeated. "My love,", Sigyn urged him, extending her hand, "Come sit with me, will you?"

[Loki Laufeyson]

Was she surprised? Was she scared? Loki was both - surprised by and scared of himself. He had battled Frost Giants before, and knew what they could do. Did he have those same abilities? Was he a danger to Sigyn?

Yes. He was certain that he was. He was even more certain that he should get away from her, to spare her. But he did not. It was his usual selfishness kicking in, his need for her, but also a sense that it was not what she wanted either. She had not left his side. He had no idea why not. He had never done anything to earn her loyalty. If anything, he had done the opposite, with his dastardly plans and his tendency to put her in dangerous situations.

He could talk to her, though. He could tell her everything and not worry about any of it reaching the wrong ears. He needed that as well. And she could think for herself as well. She could see what he could not. They balanced each other, two halves of a whole.

When she said he had been saved by Odin, however, Loki barely paid her words any heed. He did not want to consider Odin as any kind of hero. Besides, who was to say it would not have been better if he had died? So much would be different… Thor would be ruler and would not have been banished, and Sigyn would not be stuck with a monster for a husband.

He did nod when she stated that Odin should have told him. Yes. Then, at least, he would not have grown up a lie. It was almost funny to think of it. The greatest liar in Asgard was a lie himself.

Starting to pace, he put his mind to work. It was the best way for him to cope. He could put matters to the back of his mind, and bring planning to the forefront. It was not healthy, no. But it was what he needed. He needed to focus, to get past this. To do that, he could either let all his feelings out or keep them inside.

But what did he feel? There was so much happening inside of him that he hardly knew where to begin. He was angry, confused, disgusted, afraid, a plethora of negative things that had no business bothering a king. He must be serene, contemplative, ready to act.

Tomorrow.

Upon command, he sat down on the bed next to Sigyn. Then he leaned over and rested his head in her half-folded lap, reaching for her hand to bring it to his lips and leave it there. He was much like a child at this point, curled up on the bed, seeking comfort from her.

"I don't want to be Jotun," he said, his voice plain, almost pleading. "I don't want to be king. I want things as they were before. But I cannot have that, can I?"

He turned his head to look up at her.

"How can I be strong when I… feel so much hate?"

He hated Odin for lying to him, he hated Thor for being gone, he hated Laufey and his frost giants for being what they were, and, above all, he hated himself for being one of them.

Sighing, he sat up. "It is of no importance. Asgard needs its ruler." Cupping her chin in his hand, he managed to give her a small smile. "And you, Queen Sigyn."

[Sigyn Laufeyson]

Someone did not constitute a danger to someone else, because he was Jotun, Asgardian or demon. The abilities your nature supplied you with did not make you dangerous. It was the usage of such, your mind, your heart.
Loki might not be of Asgardian decent, he might be Jotun. But Sigyn knew he would not harm her, he would not bear an ill will towards her. She knew he loved her. And so, she was not afraid of him. She was still in shock about the news. About Odin's conduct. About seeing her husband upset. But she had not winced in fear for a single second and she would not do so. Here he was, troubled and hurt and it was her duty to take care of him. It was as simple as that.

She was torn between wanting to force the emotions out of him and letting him be. If he sucked it up, he would turn numb, he'd figure it all out by himself, when in fact he did not have to.
Sigyn put her palm on his cheek as he lied down into her lap, gently caressing the skin that had been ice-cold moments before. He still felt the same. "I know, my love, I know,", she whispered. What else could she possibly say? Sigyn could not undo what had been done. She could not change his nature.

When he sat up, she re-arranged herself, so she was facing him. He looked so troubled, all she wanted to do was close her arms around him and comfort him. But nothing would make this go away. Sigyn lowered her gaze, smiled a tiny smile. Queen Sigyn.
She sat down on both her knees, put her hands on his shoulders. Her face was close as she looked at him with all the affection her heart held. It was genuine. She would not fake it, not towards him.
"Loki," she gently started, "I'll be with you every step of the way and whatever you decide to do about it...about Laufey, I am going to support you. But please, just call it a night and rest. You will see things with more clarity in the morning. Do not make any decision when you are troubled like this. You do not have to prove anything to me. And I am quite positive you do not have to prove anything to your mother as well. Speak to me whenever you need. I do not want to lose you over this,", she urged him, her voice almost pleading. Sigyn tried a smile, but there was fear in her eyes. Still, she was not afraid of him. She was afraid of what this would do to him. To them.

[Loki Laufeyson]

All the emotions that tore at him were making him quite tired. The day had been full of trials, and his body was already shutting down, preparing to rest and face the next day. Yet Loki's mind wanted no rest. He wanted this figured out now, not tomorrow, not even an hour from now. His thoughts would not cease until he was able to sort everything out - including those conflicting emotions.

Yet her touch was so comforting, it made him reconsider. Sleep may be the best route to take. Nothing would change overnight. He could spare some time to rest. In the morning, his problems would be there for him to greet with a fresh outlook. He would still be king. He would still be Jotun….

Most importantly, she would still be there. She would help him think things through. She always did, though they in all their years together had never faced a problem quite like this one. Would this prove insurmountable? All they could do was try, and see what they could do. They could not change his race, they could not change reality. But they could plan.

She told him to rest, and he nodded slowly. It was best. They would face everything in the morning. "You will not lose me," he told her, in a tone he hoped was reassuring. She would certainly not lose him if he could help it. But at the same time, with this sudden revelation, he felt as though he were losing himself.

And what was that he spied in her gaze? By now he knew she was not afraid of him, but she certainly seemed to be afraid of something. Had he truly scared her? Cautiously, he cupped his hand around her cheek and kissed her.

"You're right, my love. Let's get some rest." At this point, he would probably sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, he knew. It would be a relief. With a lazy sweep of his hand, his current attire changed into more appropriate bedclothes.

"Will you require anything before bed, my dear?" She had taken to drinking sleeping potions to ease away nightmares, with varying degrees of success. From the way his eyelids were lowering slowly, it would be apparent that he was about ready to just fall asleep, but as always, he wanted to be sure she did not need anything further before he did. Such questions had become a force of habit with him, coming from a place of caring that he did not allow others to know existed within him.

[Sigyn Laufeyson]

New burdens, obstacles and problems were always different. That was what made them so difficult, so harsh sometimes. You'd never know how to deal with the loss of a child, unless your own died. You'd never know how to cope with the one you loved betraying you, until he slept with someone else.

There were so many things they had worked out, they would work out this one, too, would they not? Even if they ended up stranded in Midgard, Sigyn would walk these miles if she could walk them by his side. She was strong. She would not break easily. Not by those nightmares haunting her, not by these news being a shadow that would be with them for quite some time. But sometimes, she needed to be reassured, too. She needed to be weak and be told things were going to be okay.
Loki looked tired, but still asked whether she needed anything before she would sleep. There was the postion she drank, it was by her bedside table. But that was not important.
"Yes, oh yes, my love,", Sigyn almost cried out, her body trembling once. And then, she was in his arms, her face against the curve of his neck, her arms wrapped around him tightly. His pain was hers and his presence her very oxygen. Hopefully, Loki needed this as much as she did.

Soon, they were lying side by side, Sigyn's head on his chest, her arm tossed over his stomach. It took her more time to fall asleep. She had not told him how badly those nightmares were affecting him. It were nightmares only, they'd fade. But somehow, even her potion did not help.

And so, a couple of hours after they had gone to bed, Sigyn gasped as she woke in the middle of terror, her body covered in sweat, her eyes widened with fear as she felt like she had not even woken up entirely. She sat up instantly, hand on her sternum, breathing, panting as her mind was eventually waking up.

[Loki Laufeyson]

Questions still burdened Loki, even as he grew more resigned to the truth. Sigyn had not changed, but he had. He still viewed himself as a monster, and why shouldn't he? They all had been taught that the giants were their enemies - big, dumb beasts that needed to be controlled. And now, to learn he was one of them? How cruel could life be?

Or perhaps the question was, how cruel could Odin be? To have raised Loki and his brother with the same prejudices as the other Aesir, knowing all the while that one of them was actually one of those monsters, and the other would grow up to want to hunt them? How had he let Sigyn marry into their family, knowing this secret would hang over them? His father's sense of judgment had never seemed so incongruous.

He was content to fall asleep, aware that sleeping with a monster was probably not the most appetizing idea to have. Then Sigyn wrapped her arms around him, and his insecurities fell away, replaced by love and desire for her. He needed her, of course. He always did. His fall for her had been more profound than anything he could ever have imagined.

He awoke when she did, startled by her sudden movement. She'd had a nightmare again, he could tell. They seemed to be growing more frequent and more severe. How severe, Loki thought he knew, but actually had no idea. He sat upright, and wrapped an arm around her.

There was no need to ask what had bothered her, so he simply pressed a kiss to the bottom of her neck, noting how warm she had become. Her heart was beating fast, and she was dripping with sweat. What sort of dreams could cause her such distress? He knew she never remembered them, but there must be something bothering her, some cause they had yet to uncover.

He placed his hands on her forearms, and carefully leaned her back against his chest. Then he wrapped both of her arms around her and rocked her gently.

"Shh," he finally whispered. "Everything's fine." Everything was not fine, but that was not what she needed to hear right now. They did not need to rehash the past day's events, or try to figure out what it was that was bothering her. Right now, they needed to relax, and sleep.

[Sigyn Laufeyson]

When he hugged her, at first, Sigyn winced and went entirely stiff. She still thought herself to be in the unnamed nightmare. It took her just a second to realize it was her husband holding her, that she was in fact in their bed, safe. Eventually, Sigyn melted against him, lay in his arms and put all effort in getting her breathing rate back to normal. If at least she knew what she was dreaming about! Maybe, they could find a better way to rid her of her terrible dreams!

She knew it was a lie. Everything was not fine. But an outright lie like this was the only lie she accepted from him. Loki was trying to calm her down. Sigyn appreciated it. She moaned quietly as they lay down again, kept herself as close to him as possible. With him, she could defeat anything, could she not? Those nightmares would fade sooner or later and she'd be alright again. Besides, there were countless issues that had to be taken care of, much more complicated and worse than simple bad dreams. She'd be alright.

Sigyn was so exhausted, she fell back asleep pretty quickly, even though she was scared. Loki's warmth and breathing calmed her down enough to drift to sleep again.


However, Sigyn woke early. She felt weird, exhausted, even though she had gotten quite some sleep. She sat up in their bed, rubbed her eyes and finally, turned to him. Lying on her side, she put a kiss on his temple, watched him. How peaceful he looked in the daze of sleep. How beautiful. How perfect. How could anyone think he was not worthy being the rightful ruler of Asgard? How could anyone ever say a bad word about this perfect man. It angered her. Somehow, her restraint about proving a point, that had dominated her thoughts yesterday, was entirely gone. Instead, she felt a sinister tug within herself. Loki's eyelids fluttered.
"Let us do it," she whispered, "Let us stop Laufey and prove to everyone that you are worthy of any honor ever bestowed upon you. That you deserve their respect and appreciation. Let us show Odin how wrong he was to treat you like this, the hymns of your greatness will reach him even in his sleep."

Yes, her approach on this was quite different all of a sudden. But it had never felt more natural.

[Loki Laufeyson]

It was a lie, but it was in her best interests. He had vowed never to lie to her, and with the exception of some white lies that she saw through easily such as this one, he had made good on that promise. It was something to be proud of, that someone as good at and used to lying as he could set aside that part of his nature for one person. One person only, for, aside from their sons, she was the only one who had ever earned that promise from him. Even his family was not safe from his lies.

Loki held her until she relaxed. Secretly, he was growing more worried by the day. These nightmares were unusual for her, and he could tell the potions were not working. She was usually capable of crafting potions and spells for whatever she might need, that were always effective. That she should fail in this respect told him that they were not treating the source. Eventually, they would have to figure out what that was, somehow.

But for now, she fell asleep again, and so did he. Let them face their problems in the morning. The night was reserved for the two of them, for sleep or anything else they might deem necessary. He kept her close and waited until he was sure she was asleep again, then drifted off himself, into some unknown land where their troubles could not reach him.


He was awakened by a kiss to his temple. It took a few seconds for him to go from sleep to wakefulness. He was still not fully awake as she whispered their plans. For a moment, he felt certain he was still dreaming. Sigyn always went along with whatever he did, but he could not remember her ever suggesting that he go through with them.

Sitting up, he looked at her, awareness growing within him. They were both awake. This was reality. He was still an adopted monster, raised a god by the will of the Allfather. There was still much to be done. Much to prove.

"Yes," he said, his voice low. "We will do it. We will play the heroes and save Midgard from Laufey and his minions. No one will doubt that we are worthy of the throne and of our people's deference." And that I am worthy of my father's love.

That said, he wrapped his arms around Sigyn and kissed her deeply, not thinking to question her. They had the beginnings of a plan now, and that was what mattered.