Loki Laufeyson
Villain Staff
God[M:0]
Why did you choose to lean on a man you knew was falling?
Posts: 357
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Post by Loki Laufeyson on Jul 19, 2012 13:46:10 GMT -7
There was no feeling quite like that of new love. Everything was fresh and exciting, everything looked different, even that which was old. Life was restored to all things. There was tenderness in every movement, and every little thing was done with care and thought.They stepped carefully around each other, not wanting to disappoint the other. Yet they were comfortable together, had never felt more comfortable.
Then the glow of new love dimmed as the lovers grew used to each other. They started to slip into old habits, old personalities. Their true colors began to show. What once had seemed perfect now showed itself to be flawed. The love remained strong, but the façade that had made it so appealing gave way to a harsh reality: Neither of them were who they had initially appeared to be.
Not much time had passed since his wedding when, for the first time since then, Loki woke up in a bitter mood. It happened to him sometimes, especially when there was some event coming up that he would have to attend against his will. This particular morning preceded a celebration in honor of Thor, who still had yet to settle down with anyone despite his pledge to ask the lady Sif for her hand. The hope was that if this ball did not bring Thor and Sif closer together, perhaps Thor would find someone of equal standing and beauty, as Loki had some months earlier.
Of course, Loki was obliged to put in an appearance, for appearances' sake. There would be no attention given to him at all; he would probably spend the event fielding congratulations on his marriage and then sulking with Sigyn in a corner somewhere.
He skulked from their bedroom to the bathchamber, where a servant was drawing a bath for him and Sigyn, if she wished to join. Days like this one reminded him just how long he had suffered the obvious favoritism of Thor over him. Everyone showed it! Odin, Frigga, their friends, the entire city. Even their enemies feared Thor more than him. Sigyn was the only exception, as she should be. But the recent attentions of one woman, who was bound to him anyway, made little difference among lifetimes of hurt.
A servant, a young woman, had just finished filling the tub with water. Walking in, the first thing Loki did was dip his hand in the water to test its temperature. He flicked his hand dry, sending droplets flying, then looked up at the servant. She watched him nervously as he stepped up to her, then, with a sudden, violent movement, swung his hand to slap the water pail up out of her hands, hitting her in the face and drenching her with its contents. The pail fell noisily to the floor, and the servant uttered a squeal of pain.
"Did you melt an iceberg to gain that water? Incompetent cretin, you ought to know better than to waste my time! Fill it again, with warm water this time, and do it quickly before I further lose my patience." When the servant did not move, just looked up at him with big eyes, he added, his voice nearly a yell, "Go!"
The girl rushed out of the room, clumsily picking up the pail as she went, nearly chased out by a growl from Loki. Already impatient, he ran a hand through his hair and turned to the doorway, where he came to a stop. Apparently he'd drawn an audience.
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Sigyn Laufeyson
Neutral
Goddess[M:0]
If by my life or death I can protect you, I will.
Posts: 337
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Post by Sigyn Laufeyson on Jul 19, 2012 13:59:30 GMT -7
Sigyn still had butterflies when she awoke next to him. It was true, the fresh, sparkling excitement of new love decreased as you got more used to each other. As for her, she was so curious about their routine, if they even developed any. Every day was a blessing, still. She was thankful for having him with her, she was happy about not being stuck with her parents anymore. Sigyn was thankful for his smile and that little crease on his forehead. For Loki allowing her to be herself. For everything he had shown her and that he'd still show her. They would soon learn that marriage was hard work, no matter how much you loved the other. You had to maintain a particular level of excitement, but the more time you spent together, the harder this became.
Still, she was nowhere close to being bored or unhappy. Sigyn was the happiest she had been in years. Even at their worst, she was. Today would be one of those days. The songs sung for them and their marriage had barely lapsed into silence, but it was already Thor's time again. Tonight, a ball would be hosted in honor of the Thunderer. Loki had shared his suspicion with Sigyn, that Odin might want to get Thor into the arms of a particular lady for good. Or in the arms of another, in case the former and him would not work out. Sigyn didn't need too much attention, so she was not mad their marriage was losing its appeal to the regular Asgardian. But a ball for Thor? For him only? There would not be a ball for Loki, there had never been. As much as she wanted to comfort him, it was hard to ignore the facts.
Sigyn was still half-asleep, when Loki got up. She murmured something incrompehensible, patted for him, at the spot that was still warm, where he had lain next to her. "I'll be with you in a minute," she murmured, not quite realizing what kind of promises she was making. But oh, she missed him already! Lazily, Sigyn peeled herself out of bed and walked towards their bath chamber. Waking up in a bathtub, in his arms, seemed to be much more appealing.
That was when she witnessed the scene in front of her, yet unnoticed by him or the maid. Loki was being utterly, utterly horrible to the poor maid. He could have just told her that the water was too cold for his liking. He could even have been unfriendly while doing so. But this was just too much. The poor maid looked scared like she had just faced Laufey and Surtur having bonding time.
However, Sigyn did not say a word until the maid had run off. She was wide awake instantly, her face looking swollen from sleep, but hard. "Are you out of your right mind?", Sigyn asked, lowering her voice. She was lifting her hand, as if trying to grasp why he would be so horrible to the girl, "That was absolutely unnecessary and horrible." She had not problem telling him her opinion. She had never kept it to herself, just disguised it with polite manners and parlance, before she had been sure he would not use her words against her. Having received most love and affection from the maid who had raised her, Sigyn made sure to deal with servants respectfully. Loki however, did not seem to see it quite that way.
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Loki Laufeyson
Villain Staff
God[M:0]
Why did you choose to lean on a man you knew was falling?
Posts: 357
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Post by Loki Laufeyson on Jul 19, 2012 14:25:55 GMT -7
Was anyone safe from Loki's fury today? He saw nothing wrong with his behavior. In a haze of anger, he stared at Sigyn, who offered her opinion on what he had just done. Fine, so now she would judge him as well? He took a step toward her, his body pulled taut with tension. All the danger signs were there - the clenched jaw, the fingers curling into fists, the pitch blackness of his gaze. This was not the time to get into an argument with him, for he would not back down, regardless of who was wrong or right.
The beauty of waking up next to her had not been with him this morning. His mind had woken up to darker thoughts, devoid of her presence. He had to get through this day. He had to. That was his only focus. He had not forgotten about Sigyn - not at all. But that mood he was usually able to tap into, the one that lifted his depression and tamped down everything else, that made life more tolerable, was gone today. It was nowhere to be found. All he had today was hate.
"Unnecessary? Horrible?" he repeated, his eyes narrowed and dark. "Have you felt how cold this water is? Do you not remember how much I hate the cold? I could not have bathed in that if I tried. That wench has been working in this palace since she was old enough to hold a pail. She had to be reminded."
Closing in on Sigyn now, he continued, his voice catching an edge, "And what would you know about teaching a servant to do her job? You are royalty by marriage, Princess Sigyn, and while coddling and spoon-feeding your servants may have worked out among the commoners, here, we have higher standards. I suggest you get used to them."
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Sigyn Laufeyson
Neutral
Goddess[M:0]
If by my life or death I can protect you, I will.
Posts: 337
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Post by Sigyn Laufeyson on Jul 19, 2012 14:34:12 GMT -7
She knew. She knew that today was going to be hard on him, that it had already been hard on him last night. The burden this constant competition that he had not called for weighed heavily on him and if she could support him, she would. But that did not mean he had a license to be an utter arse to everyone and everything.
However, she had not reckoned with a gaze this dark and words spat at her like poison. It seemed like there was no affection for her left within him. As he closed in on her like that, Sigyn flinched visibly. But she did not look scared. She was surprised in the worst possible way, but she would not back off. Not at all. She was not like the other ladies of Asgard, telling him what he wanted to hear, backing off. No. She would not go out of her way to please him. She wanted her way to please him and so far, she thought she had succeeded.
Oh well. He spoke so quickly and angrily that she almost did not have time to fight back. But finally, she raised her hadn. Sigyn had not taken a single step backwards. "Don't you dare talk to me like this, Loki! I am your wife. It was you who made me princess by marriage. Being royalty does not give you the right to be an arse to people. Neither does being tense about today. If you have an itch, I'll gladly scratch it, but you watch your tongue!", Sigyn spat back, equally harsh, less venomous. She would not have him talk to her like that. She would not let go just like that, for she did not want being talked to like this to become a habit. Of course, had the maiden still be present, she would have said nothing, would not have disrespected him while someone was around. But they were by themselves.
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Loki Laufeyson
Villain Staff
God[M:0]
Why did you choose to lean on a man you knew was falling?
Posts: 357
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Post by Loki Laufeyson on Jul 19, 2012 15:04:15 GMT -7
There was a reason for his behavior, yes, but not for his lack of composure. Even on his bad days, Loki was usually able to calm down and present himself civilly, or else find some venue through which to vent his frustrations. Unfortunately, Sigyn was today's choice for that venue, and she had made herself handily available for that job. He was not quite awake or cognizant of what he was doing; he was letting himself slip into darkness.
What happened next was pure instinct. As she finished telling him to watch his tongue, he reached forward, bent her raised hand behind her back, and pressed her against the doorframe. He pressed his body against hers, rendering her completely unable to escape, or even move beyond perhaps a bit of squirming. His eyes burned into hers, a darkness unlike anything he had shown before. This was him nearing his basest, his most vile vices. His voice left his lips in a harsh softness, nearly a whisper, a growl.
"I'm an arse? I'm an arse? To whom, exactly? To that servant, who proved herself completely unable to accomplish a simple task? Tell me, what would you have me do? Apologize?" He laughed, but there was no kindness or joy in the laugh, only a bitter, almost anguished fury. "That would suit you, wouldn't it? Allow me to show you why you're wrong."
In one movement, he used his grip on her to spin her away from the door and toward the tub, still filled with cool water. More than likely she would fall halfway in, face first, bent over the rim. A couple of quick strides brought him to her side. Wrapping a hand around her neck, he pulled her head out of the water and forced her to look at him as he hissed at her.
"What did you think of that, my lady? Was the water to your liking? Would you like to thank the poor maiden for a job well done?" His hand slipped through her hair and to the back of her head, and he dunked her face below the surface for good measure, lifting her back up after a second or two. The hand on her head was the only contact he had with her body this time; he had unwittingly left her room to get out of his grasp.
"Let me tell you what you're going to do," he said, his voice a flatter his than before. "You're going to beg me for forgiveness, and then you're going to lock yourself away until I call for you. You will not speak to me in such a demanding tone again. Have I made myself clear?"
His hand tightened in her hair, and he bared his teeth at her in an animal-like grimace. Any beauty left in his expression was that of a cruel passion, a need for pain, even though he seemingly had yet to be hurt. Waiting for her answer, the impatience evident on his face, he allowed her a very little time to respond.
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Sigyn Laufeyson
Neutral
Goddess[M:0]
If by my life or death I can protect you, I will.
Posts: 337
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Post by Sigyn Laufeyson on Jul 19, 2012 15:30:04 GMT -7
What happened next was something Sigyn had not expected, not in the slightest. Loki had been cruel to her when he had told her about his little night with the other woman. But he had never been physically abusive. She would have expected him to argue with her, be stubborn and she'd be stubborn and mad in return.
However, the following minutes were an absolute nightmare for her and she would not so soon forget what he would be doing to her. Sigyn screamed in surprise when he pushed her against the doorframe, the tendons in her arm and shoulder over-stretched, causing a sharp pain to shoot through that upper half of her body. Now, she was scared. Sigyn was scared tremendously by her own husband, who had been the sweetest man to her before. But this was not Loki, at least not the person she had met, she had fallen in love with. This was someone else. Or maybe, this what what she had bargained for. Loki at his worst. Loki being abusive. Sigyn's eyes however, remained fierce. It was so strange to feel that way, but she would not let him get away with this that easily, maybe he just wanted her to snap and run off and be abandoned yet again. That would not happen. She had sworn an oath. For better and for worse. This truly, was worse.
So she held his gaze, raised her chin up high, while her body was betraying her courage. Sigyn was positively shaking.
It did not end at this. Loki pushed her away so harshly, that she fell halfway into the tub, stumbling clumsily over the skirt of her long nightgown. The water was indeed ice-cold. The temperature was not even the worst problem. This tub lost its appeal to her in this very moment. Gone, the memories of their lovemaking in this tub. Gone the images of their nightly baths, cuddling, sweet-talking the other. This tub stood for violence, for losing yourself, for the darkest side of him she had ever seen.
Panting, Sigyn gasped for air as he pulled her up. She had definitely swallowed a lot of water. But Loki was choking her by her throat, which made breathing fairly hard. His words almost didn't reach her any more. They echoed in her ears as if he were far away. She just needed to endure this, however long it'd take, whatever he'd do to her. Sigyn would endure this oh, and she would have her revenge.
Loki pushed her head into the tub again, face-foward. And then, mere instinct kicked in. It was incredible, how much power and force the instinct to survive would release. While being underwater, Sigyn's eyes changed color. Usually, the changed happened gradually. But in this moment of utter desperation and demand, Sigyn's eyes literally snapped from blue to golden. Her magic was more present than it had ever been, she felt it reviving her, filling her every cell. Oh, and she was angry. So angry.
Later, Sigyn would spent years on working out how to set that much energy free at once. For now, her body, her mind was taking over, saving her. All of a sudden, a jolt of pure, strong engery - telekinetic energy - made Loki fly across the room, forcefully, as if an army of a hundred warriors had kicked him. He hit the wall, leaving it cracked and broken. Sigyn rose from the tub, stepped out of it. She was entirely wet, the white nightgown sticking to her naked skin, making her look like a nymph. All color had left her face, the only thing shining were her eyes thad had never been that golden before. They almost looked like embers. She was over at him within an instant, using the element of surprise. This time, it was her grabbing him by his throat. She did not throw him across the room, though. She put him to his feet, because she wanted to smack his face. Smack it like he deserved it. And she did, the impact of her hand on his cheek sending him to the ground yet again. Sigyn stepped up yet again, but did not remain standing. She knelt down besides him, put her hand on his cheek that she had just hit. This time, her thumb was caressing it. "You will never raise your hand towards me again, Loki, Son of Odin. You will never abuse me like this if your life depended on it. And you will apologize to me. In time. You will learn to vent and turn to me without choking me. Without abusing your wife, who you happen to love.", Sigyn said. Her voice sounded different, colder, as if this were another person, yet the same.
She got up and left the room, if he let her, leaving a wet trace after her.
When she arrived in their bed chamber, her eyes had turned back to blue. Sigyn was shaking on her whole body. Everything hurt, on the inside and the outside. She already felt the bruises on her neck appearing. She was choking hard, trying to contain herself as hot tears started to run down her face relentlessly. With her thoughts being in turmoil, Sigyn grabbed her own throat, rubbed it. As if this would help.
She knew, Loki could have overpowered her again. He could anytime. Maybe, he would. If he so pleased, he could beat her to death right now. She just hoped he would not.
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Loki Laufeyson
Villain Staff
God[M:0]
Why did you choose to lean on a man you knew was falling?
Posts: 357
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Post by Loki Laufeyson on Jul 19, 2012 16:14:35 GMT -7
Her scream was satisfying in a way Loki had never experienced before. It echoed in his mind as an acknowledgement of fear, of submission. Of his power. It fueled him, lent venom to his words and force to his physical attacks. He fed off her fear. And he relished it.
She tried to stand up to him, he could see it in her eyes. But with their bodies so close together, there was no way he could not feel her trembling. She feared him. And if he could not have her love, then he would have her fear.
He showed no concern for her at all, not even when she was clearly choking. She would live, for he willed it to be so. If he wanted her dead, it would take nothing more than a thought to achieve it.
His back had hit the wall before he even realized what happened. And when he did realize it, all he could think was that she was responsible. She had lashed out. She had broken him. He slid to the floor as she stepped out of the tub, her appearance like a ghostly vision. Had he actually killed her? He was sure he hadn't, but he had never seen her in such a state before, and he thought he knew her and her magic well.
Then he was on his feet, and she slapped him, hard, more strength behind the slap than he had thought her to possess. He fell again, and when she leaned in, he looked up at her warily, unsure of her intentions. She only touched him gently, and he closed his eyes. Her voice felt far away, perhaps because of the pain.
He did not know when she left. He did not know how much time passed between her leaving and him opening his eyes. When he did, and he looked up, he found the servant standing in the doorway, just looking at him. The young girl averted her gaze when he saw her, and simply set down one of the pails she had brought, one being full of hot water, the other being empty so she could remove what was already there.
It took him some time to get to his feet, though not due to any injury. As he did, he considered killing the servant. The girl's neck was so small. It would only have taken a little snap. He swept past the servant and out of the room, leaving her unharmed.
He took a few steps into their bedchamber and stopped. Everything hinged in this moment. If he chose, she was as good as dead… and she deserved it, for what she had done to him. How she had spoken to him. His hands clenched, relaxed, clenched again. His chest heaved visibly.
And as he returned to himself, the realization that he was seriously entertaining the thought of killing her began to settle in.
He backed away, slowly at first, then more quickly, as though he had seen a ghost, but what he had seen was himself. Without a word, he turned on his heels and left, his feet taking him through their wing to the small room where many of his weapons were stored. He could easily have gotten what he wanted in their own room, but at this time, he also wanted to be alone.
Sitting on the floor with a dagger in his hands, the events that had just transpired played on the walls of his mind, It played once, twice, unrelentingly, with no letting go until the sting of fresh pain brought him out of his thoughts. He looked down at his hands. A line of blood welled on his wrist, dripping down along his forearm.
With a sigh, he closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall.
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Sigyn Laufeyson
Neutral
Goddess[M:0]
If by my life or death I can protect you, I will.
Posts: 337
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Post by Sigyn Laufeyson on Jul 19, 2012 16:29:31 GMT -7
Just like her husband, Sigyn could not tell for how long she had been standing in front of the window, staring out of it, in her soaking wet clothes, with her hand gently wrapped around her bruised neck. Her alabaster skind had already started to change color and had swollen. While she was trying to get rid of the terrible memory they had just created, she was reliving the scene over and over again.
It had not only been Loki getting physical, it had been herself, also. Of course, her conduct had been less horrible, given the fact that she had more or less acted in self-defence. Still, this was rock bottom, a new low that she would not have wanted to reach so early in their marriage. In fact, she had not wanted to reach it at all. And this would not happen again, Sigyn swore to herself. She'd defend herself earlier if he tried to get physical like this again. If he did, well....she knew, she would not leave him, no matter what he'd do.
Sigyn heard the faint noises as Loki departed. For a second, she hoped he'd come to her and apologize, only so that she could reject him. Because she did not feel like being close to him just now. She did love him, dearly, but she did not want to hear his voice, feel his touch or presence. Not now.
After a while, Sigyn let Greta know that her services would not be needed today. Greta asked what had happened, but naturally, Sigyn had not said a word. It'd be disrespecting Loki in front of others and that, she would not do. She had also not faced Greta. The bruises had gotten worse. How ironic, for Loki had achieved his goal: Sigyn would not go out for a while, for as long as the bruises were visible like that. They were all over her neck, it'd be hard to cover them without raising suspicion.
Sigyn had gotten properly cleaned up and dressed. However, she was not covering her neck. The only person who'd visit her in here would be her husband and he'd better damn see what he had done.
Of course, part of her was worried for him, where had he run off to? How was he? This day was hard on him, after all. But the bigger part of her was angry. Angry and terribly hurt. However, the most dangerous thing about this was her fear. Yes, she was scared of him now and as long as the memory was still fresh, she'd remain scared. Eventually, she'd have to share this bed with him. If she could sleep at all. Sigyn considered asking - telling - him to choose another bed for the night, but that would not be unbeknownst to the servants. They'd have to figure something out.
At the end of the day, Sigyn would act the same as she had this morning. She'd speak up to him. And she would not baby him. She'd insist on being apologized to and she would give him orders if the situation required it. He could choke her all he wanted, this was her and he had proposed to this person.
Sigyn found herself too wrapped up in her thoughts to endure the day. She could not have that. They'd talk, sooner or later - rather later, as far as her willingess was concerned -, but brooding over the situation would not help at all.
So when she had gotten dressed entirely, she started to bring their bed in order, shake up the pillows and cover it with proper lining. After all, she had told the servants they were not needed, just so they would not see her in this state and spread rumors about domestic violence between the newlyweds. And someone had to make the bed after all.
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Loki Laufeyson
Villain Staff
God[M:0]
Why did you choose to lean on a man you knew was falling?
Posts: 357
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Post by Loki Laufeyson on Jul 19, 2012 21:42:24 GMT -7
What exactly was he going to do? Apologize? He scoffed at the thought, and with good reason. He did not deserve to be forgiven this time. He had hurt her again after he had sworn not to, and this time, he had done her physical harm. What more was there to say or do? What could repair the damage done?
The blissful pain lasted only a few seconds as the cut immediately began to heal itself. This was the very last of his secrets, one of the few he had never shared even with Sigyn. He had come across it as a child, a very long time ago. After throwing a fit over some dispute or another regarding Thor, he had torn open the skin on his knees while running. That had led to his own revelation. Physical pain canceled out the emotional.
His enhanced healing factor always came into play about now. It never failed. He knew that if he were truly looking to punish himself - more permanently - he would have to be more creative than this. There would not even be a scar to tell the tale. Lazily he spun the dagger around his fingers. He was calming down now, slipping into that familiar state of catharsis.
Through the numbness, he could see more clearly, or so he thought. A plan began to form in his mind. That was the way he preferred it. A plan was much safer than spontaneity. When he let himself act on instinct, things like this morning happened. He was much better off relying on reason. Yes. Reason was his catalyst.
He had been alone in the room for about half an hour when he stood up and set the bloodied dagger aside. At least he no longer felt the need to kill anyone, least of all Sigyn. He was not his brother. He knew violence solved nothing. Still, had it not been… a relief… to indulge in some of his darker predilections? All of the pressure he had felt earlier was gone, replaced by the same numbness that had already enveloped him.
Returning to their bedchamber, he found her making the bed, an odd sight until he realized that he had seen no one on his way to the room. She must have sent everyone away. It was for the best. If his plan did not go over as well as he hoped, they would not regret being alone.
He waited until he had her attention. Part of him wanted simply to hold her, but the sight of the bruises on her neck made him stop. They looked much worse than he had expected; granted, he had not expected anything at all. Loki steadied his breathing, then took a short breath before finally speaking.
"You knew who I was when you married me. You knew my secrets and my faults. You knew I was not a good man, that I was perhaps even a monster. And if somehow you did not know it then, you are armed with that knowledge now." Though his voice was even and normal, to him it sounded foreign, as though it came from someone else's body.
"I will hear your concerns, and hope you will join me in searching for a way to remedy this." He paused, not wanting to say what he must say next. "If you wish to dissolve our marriage… I will allow it."
He hoped it would not come to that. He still felt the same love for her, still needed her at his side. But if he had another morning, another day like this one… who was to say she would be able to stop him? He was much more powerful than she, and in many ways the power blast she had hit him with earlier had been a lucky surprise shot. There could be no denying it any longer. She was in danger when she was around him… and the danger was himself.
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Sigyn Laufeyson
Neutral
Goddess[M:0]
If by my life or death I can protect you, I will.
Posts: 337
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Post by Sigyn Laufeyson on Jul 19, 2012 23:03:15 GMT -7
This was one of the quirks of getting married that early in a relationship: There were different things that you just did not know. You'd come across them over time, for sure. Sigyn knew not about his healing abilities, that were so enhanced. And even though she had known that he turned quite dark on occasion, she had not thought it to be this severe, so severe tha the'd turn against her. From the day they had met, Sigyn had been honest and straight-forward with him. She had believed this part of her character had been one of the major reasons why he had fallen in love with her. Now, it was the reason why he had choked and hurt her. That still did not make her want to budge. It made her want to rebel even more. An old habit, maybe, for with her mother, it had been similar. Maybe, Loki was so wrapped up in being a prince, in having the power to do as he pleased, that he just could not let go of it. But Sigyn would not have it again. She would not bet beaten like this again.
She was almost done making the bed, when Loki returned from his hiding spot. When she looked at him, she had a hard time not to wince or step back. After all - above all that love - he had just done the unspeakable to her. Of course, she was scared! With the bed in between them, she felt safe for now.
Upon hearing his words however, it was Loki who should seek shelter, because Sigyn's rage welled up so vehemently, so strongly that she was about to jump him, over the bed, knocking him out. Her hands were shaking, so she took a pillow and occupied them, as she spoke with a voice that was trembling of anger, but void of any fear. "Oh no, Loki, this is not how this is going to be resolved. You will speak to me from your heart, not your brain. I did not marry the prince or the trickster, I married you and I will only talk to you. If you need to take your time with this, go and take your time. But don't you dare return formally like this. You knew who I was when you married me, too. You knew I'd be true to myself. You knew I would not kiss your feet and agree to your every word. If you wish to dissovle our marriage, I will allow it." Sigyn knew what he was doing. It was Loki being cunning, being witty and tactical. Loki scheming, because that was where he felt safest. But she would not have that in their relationship. She was the one he was supposed to turn to. She was the one he had been honest and emotional with from the start. He had acted on his emotions when he had choked her, pushed her under the water. He would have to face his emotions now that he wanted to make it up. If he even wanted to make it up. If Loki thought, acknowledging that he was this person would make it okay, he was sadly mistaken. He'd have to change. It was as simple as that. She didn't want to annull their marriage, either. She wanted to make a point. He had chosen her, now he'd have to deal with her.
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Loki Laufeyson
Villain Staff
God[M:0]
Why did you choose to lean on a man you knew was falling?
Posts: 357
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Post by Loki Laufeyson on Jul 19, 2012 23:30:15 GMT -7
Upon returning to their chambers, Loki had decided that there would be one of two outcomes. Either Sigyn would agree to talk it out, and they would sort out matters to the benefit of both of them; or she would refuse, and they would reach an impasse and have to walk away from each other. He wanted the former to happen, but expected the latter. Sigyn was at least as stubborn as he was. They would not be able to come together that easily.
The response he got was not the one he wanted or the one he expected. She grew angry at his words, despite his attempt at being diplomatic. Or, rather, due to his attempt at being diplomatic. She did not want rationality, she wanted emotion. His emotion. Unfortunately, he had already buried it all deep within himself, and was reluctant to bring it to the surface again. What if he struck her again? Was that what she wanted? Did she want reasons for her to leave him? If so, had they not suffered enough?
"What is it you want, Sigyn?" he asked, his voice quiet, still controlled. "An apology? Restitution? Ask and I will grant it. But do not ask me not to look at this rationally. It is the best choice, the safest choice, for both of us." Without knowing it, he was already hinting at his inner thoughts, that he was dangerous to her.
"I do not wish to dissolve anything. I wish to discuss it. Sit down with me, and we will have a conversation." He would not budge on this. By now, he was much too numb to allow for anything but reason and wiles. Emotion would be the last thing she would get from him. He was behaving mechanically now, his mind having retreated to that safe haven of logic.
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Sigyn Laufeyson
Neutral
Goddess[M:0]
If by my life or death I can protect you, I will.
Posts: 337
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Post by Sigyn Laufeyson on Jul 20, 2012 5:51:46 GMT -7
Now, forget this tantrum of yours. Let us discuss this like proper adults.
Those had been the words he had said to her when they had fought about his passionate night with his former lover, who he had happened to knock up, too. Back then, he had faced her as someone she had not been familiar with, haughty, formal, condescending. Rational, so to speak. When Loki spoke up now, he used the same tone, the same composure, the same formality and distance on her. That was not how this was going to work. Loki did not need another person like this in his life, a person who would not give a rat's ass about his true feelings, his innermost, as long as he expressed himself properly, a person who'd be fed up with formalities, happily oblivious to problems that lingered beneath the surface.
Loki had just choked and pushed her around. No one, who did not have issues, would do that. Sigyn would not be the woman she was if she just made do what he was putting down right now. She was shaken, startled, surprised, maybe even traumatized. But she was still herself. And if he thought he could have this way with her, he was sadly mistaken. Actually, he had gotten her all wrong for all the time they had known each other already. Loki should know better. Maybe, he did.
Also, Loki might as well shove his punctilious apologies up his royal arse. If he apologized, she wanted him to mean it, to feel it, as opposed to consider it the proper thing to do. Was he truly asking her to ask him to apologize? Had Loki never understood the way an apology worked? Did she really have to point his misconduct out to him, did he not know that he had not behaved well, without having it rubbed into his face? This was just outrageous, Sigyn had a hard time not to yell again. But frankly, she was afraid what he might do then. All he said did not feel right. This was not her Loki. And she wanted to talk to that person, not some solemn version of him.
There was nothing to 'discuss'. How would you discuss something like assault? Battery? Something so pregnant of emotions could not be handled soberly. "No," Sigyn said, keeping her rants to herself for now, being cautious and indeed, scared of him, "I will not have this. I will not sit down with you properly and discuss this in a formal manner. This has not been a formal thing. If you think the safest choice for both of us is muting, ignoring all those damn emotions that have caused this, you are sadly mistaken." So he was scared he'd hurt her again? She dearly hoped it was this and not someone else. "I feel like I don't even know you right now. No,....actually, I know exactly what you are doing, Loki. That is why I won't have this. I'm not like the others. I'm not going to let you succumb to this. Ratio.", Sigyn said, talking quietly, but boisterously. "I will not foster your precarious numbness." With that said, Sigyn put the last pillow down on the bed, which looked flawless. "Now, if you excuse me. I wish to be alone.", she said, departing, headed for her dressing room, randomly selecting a destination as she went. She did not know whether he'd follow her and frankly, the feeling of having him behind her back, where she couldn't see, was scaring her right now. But Sigyn wanted to get away from him, from the version of Loki standing in their bedroom. He might not think he'd budge, but she'd damn well make him do so. Even if it took her forever. Loki'd have to attend the ball by himself tonight, she could not possibly leave her chambers with bruises like this, shaken like this. Even if she was good at pretending, she could not possibly pretend to be the happy newlywed everybody expected her to be, given what had just happened.
Sigyn didn't have a plan for today, for the night or what was to come. Loki had caused great damage. They'd fix it. But not by ignoring the deeper issue.
ooc: I didn't know whether you'd have him follow her or not, so I let it open and entirely to you. Fear not, though, I have plans!
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Loki Laufeyson
Villain Staff
God[M:0]
Why did you choose to lean on a man you knew was falling?
Posts: 357
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Post by Loki Laufeyson on Jul 20, 2012 9:48:17 GMT -7
This battle of wills they were having went beyond his powers of comprehension. He was offering her what she wanted, was he not? What could she want besides an apology, some sort of recompense, or a divorce? He could not go back in time and take it back, could he? And even if he could… would he?
Loki knew innately that he had done something wrong. The part he was having trouble with was how it should be resolved. Did she want to fight him again? Perhaps that was the answer. Of course, unless she managed to pull off some miracle, he would easily overpower her. He did not want that. The last thing he wanted was to hurt her again. And if he allowed those emotions out of their hiding place, he was certain that was exactly what he would do.
No, it was better that he let them fester, with the rest of the feelings he had set aside over so many years. Perhaps one day they would all dissolve into nothing, and he would feel like himself again. He had almost forgotten what that felt like, until Sigyn had managed to reach that secret part of him. Now, what was left of that relationship? He had torn it to tatters with his actions.
He knew he was not mistaken. Did she not realize what he was capable of? What he had done today was only a sample of the dark thoughts that filled his mind. Until this morning, those thoughts had never been about her. They had included everyone else, from the random passersby on the street to his very own family, when they angered him. Occasionally he acted on them, when the thoughts had more to do with trickery than violence. He was not a violent man. He had not been a violent man.
Succumb? He was handling everything just fine right now, as far as he was concerned. No one was getting hurt. That was a good sign, was it not? Was this not of value, the self-control he was able to exercise in this moment? He was rather proud of himself for that. It was a shame he had not thought of taking this route before he had grabbed her in the bathchamber.
She excused herself and left, and Loki did not follow her. He watched her leave, as a growing sense of confusion settled over him. Well, what would they do now? This did not feel like the sort of fight one simply forgave over time. He would not blame her if she never did.
He left the room and went to their living area, where he sat down on the couch in front of the unlit fireplace. His mind turned over his thoughts slowly, delicately avoiding the real problems, the emotions. Did she consider him a monster now? If so, what made her different from everyone else?
And if everyone - including himself - considered him a monster, why then should he not be one?
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Sigyn Laufeyson
Neutral
Goddess[M:0]
If by my life or death I can protect you, I will.
Posts: 337
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Post by Sigyn Laufeyson on Jul 20, 2012 16:20:17 GMT -7
He was not offering anything she wanted, quite the opposite actually. She had experienced him fall into this mode, into this shape of the formal, controlled prince who could not be pushed by anyone, who'd never lose his temper. As far as she knew, those were the times of most turmoil for him, when he disguised it that properly. Times of least control. When he had admitted his betrayal to her, Sigyn's reaction had not been subject to his control. And right now, it wasn't, either. Loki knew that.
Possibly, after all those years of being put down, of being confronted with people who'd be happily obvlioius to his true self and emotions, to his needs, he was not used to the fact that there was someone who genuinely cared. Who would not judge even his worst emotion, if he only worked it out, if he only admitted to it. She couldn't blame him. They still had to do a lot of adjustment to the other. Still, he had beaten her badly. That was not just a little collateral damage. Sigyn would not want to be the wife who'd find excuses. Nothing that had happened to him justified how horrible he had been to her. On the other hand however, she would not leave him, either. Did that still make her different to the average victim of domestic violence, who defended her husband? She didn't know just yet. She didn't know whether it'd happen again. She dearly hoped it would not.
So, did she think he was a monster? No, Sigyn didn't. He wasn't a monster. In fact, she thought he was a victim, rather. A victim of years not being taken seriously. Being put down. Having huddled into himself, locking his innermost away for no one to behold. Until Sigyn had come along and now, he was fighting the battle between turning his insides outside for her and keeping his usual self. Today, he had lost and won at the same time. He had just let go, had just lived his emotions, but those had caused great damage. After all however, once you were aware of something, you could fight it. Loki could not fight anything if he denied its existence. If only he saw that. If only he realised that Sigyn was not willing to turn their relationship into what Loki usually got just yet. To superficial and dull. But maybe, this was what he had always done? Keeping bonds and relationships on that very shallow level, so no one would reach through to him? By marrying her however, times had changed.
Sigyn didn't know for how long she had been in her dress room. She had fixed a dress and unpacked the last bit of boxes she had not yet unpacked, as the feverish passion of a newly wed couple had kept her attention on Loki, rather than her belongings. And then, it had dawned on her. She could not possibly stay in here tonight, share a bed with him. And she could not attend this ball with those bruises.Sigyn needed time to think and sort things out. And so, she made a plan.
Dressed in a long green cape, leather boots and gloves and a pretty tight bun in her hair, with a satchel in her hands, Sigyn appeared in the living-room hours later, where she found Loki. "I'll ride up to my parents' cabin in the woods. I'll stay there for the night and possibly, tomorrow as well. Please excuse my absence to your family and send them my regards. Especially Thor, who is having yet another big night. I'll take two dogs with me to watch me, so you will not have to worry about me," Sigyn explained to Loki, keeping a safe distance to him. The last words were spoken with a weird kind of sarcasm, almost as if she meant them and didn't mean them at the same time. Sigyn was scared of Loki right now, the aftermath of his attack still weighing on her. But she did not want to let this fear get the best of her. If you fell off a horse, you'd have to get up again right after. Being bitchy and stubborn to him would not be beneficial for the situation. Walking out on him would not either. Back then, when she had broken up with him, weeks later, Loki had dropped his formal shell and admitted to his faults and their love. Maybe, he just needed time. Now more than ever. It was a good thing that they would live for eternities, because if Loki was choosing to be the person he was to her right not for the rest of their marriage, Sigyn would have to think about consequences. Because the person he had been in the bed room today had been a liar. And he had promised her to keep the liar away.
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Loki Laufeyson
Villain Staff
God[M:0]
Why did you choose to lean on a man you knew was falling?
Posts: 357
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Post by Loki Laufeyson on Jul 20, 2012 22:09:38 GMT -7
The hours passed slowly, melding together, becoming indistinguishable from the other as Loki attempted to confront his thoughts, each attempt leaving him defeated and questioning. He felt her enter the room after some time, and looked up, to find her dressed to leave, and not for the ball. She explained her intentions. Loki might have been inclined to let her go, had her tone not dipped into sarcasm at the last. Did she question his concern for her?
Slowly he got to his feet, still looking at her, his eyes utterly blank. However, he did not move any closer to her, for he knew what he was about to say would probably lead to argument once again.
"Do you doubt my concern for your safety, Sigyn?"
His tone was perfectly neutral, devoid of any emotion at all. The question might as well have been about the color of the sky.
"Do you understand why I have left you to do as you wished? Or would you rather we do it your way, and see about those emotions you're so keen on confronting, and risk me doing the same again or worse? You have entirely misread me, my lady. I have only your interests at heart. I am doing this for you."
He stared at her for a moment, still completely unemotional. Then he turned away, his hands suddenly needing something to hold on to. They found a book lying idly on a nearby nightstand. Straightening the book for absolutely no reason, he continued in the same tone as before, "Travel safely with your dogs. I will pass on your regards. Tomorrow, I would appreciate some communication regarding your plans-"
A wave of something overtook him, and he gripped the edges of the nightstand, his back to her, his head bowed. She was leaving him. Perhaps not permanently, but for the night. He would not stop her. He would spend the night alone, without her, a first phase of his punishment.
He squeezed his eyes shut. A cry welled up in his throat. Please, Sigyn, Help me. But he forced it down, composed himself quickly. What was happening to him? Never before had he felt so fragile, as though he would fall to pieces at any moment. Never before had he felt so out of control. And now, thanks to his own choices, he would have to face it alone.
"I would like to be informed of your plans." He turned his back to the table and faced her again, but this time there was a strange quality in his eyes, of sadness and anger and everything he was keeping inside. Most of all, though, there was fear. Not of Sigyn, nor of being alone, not quite. He'd realized what it was he was most afraid of in this moment.
And he was at least as afraid of himself as Sigyn was of him.
"Good night." Turning away again, he selected a book at random and began to page through it, settling back down onto the couch with the last of his casual confidence. If he could just get through the next few seconds until Sigyn left…. they would both be safe for the rest of the night.
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