Deadpool in Chicks and Chimichangas (Closed)

[Wade Wilson]

Part one

The shrill of a ringing phone shattered the silence of a random hotel room in some random ass city in some random ass state. After a job, Deadpool doesn't really care to remember the details of where he lays his head at night. The only thing he cares about is hitching the first ride out of town with a load of cash in his pocket and a chimichanga in his hand.

"That's what I call livin' the dream, my handsome writing friend! I'm really glad that you decided to include my inner monologue."

For Deadpool, that actually is living the dream. He wasn't the kind of guy that wanted a white picket fence or kids or a mini-van. All he ever wanted was a pile of cash to roll around in at his pleasure. Isn't that what we all wanted? To roll around in a giant pile of money for nothing but amusement. It's why Deadpool woke up every morning, to accomplish his dream of rolling around in that giant pile of dollar bills. The only thing that could make his life better was swimming in a bunch of gold coins like the Uncle Duck did in Duck Tales.

"Dude, I should probably answer that phone."

Deadpool rushed out of the shower, nothing but a white towel cover the lower portion of his deformed body.

"Hello?" Deadpool said calmly.

"Is this Deadpool?" a feminine voice asked him on the other line.

Deadpool, oddly enough did not answer what he was assuming a chick or some really feminine guy. He simply tossed the phone off the bed and rushed back off to the bathroom. I would love to tell you what he was doing, but not even this writer knows what in the hell Deadpool is going to do. He is, after all, one unpredictable feather pluckin' walrus.

"Hello?" the disembodied voice asked.

Deadpool promptly rushed back into the room, his face now covered by his mask.

"Really? You had to get your mask?"

"Oh god, he let you in, too? I thought I left you back in the comics," Deadpool said, either not realizing that he was talking into the phone or just not caring about it. My guess would be the latter.

"What?"

"Nothing. This is Deadpool," Deadpool responded.

"I have a job that I need you for," The girly voice told him.

"Look, I'm pretty sure that you're hot and all, but I'm gonna have to pass. There's a Golden Girls fan symposium in Pasadena in three days. No way I'm gonna miss that," This writer highly doubts the validity of Deadpool's excuse, but then again, he wouldn't miss something that had anything to do with Bea Aurthur.

"I' am hot. And it pays a lot of money," The girly voice responded.

"How much?" Deadpool inquired.

"Well into the six figures. Close to a million."

"NO! How much in the scale of how hot you are? One to ten," The only way Deadpool was going to miss anything Bea Aurthur related was if this girl could put GQ's The Sexiest Woman Alive to absolute soul crushing shame.

"Eleven."

"I'll be there in ten," Deadpool said, hanging up the phone.

"You do realize that you have no idea where this so-called eleven is, right? You didn't ask for any details."

"Would you stop splitting hairs, we'll figure it out. Writer! Fetch me my pants!"

Deadpool quickly threw his costume on, not sure of where he had to be but he was damn determined to get there as quick as humanly possible. An eleven had a job for him to do and his hotness scale didn't even go to eleven. It only went to ten. Deadpool could only thing of the possibilities.

[Wade Wilson]

Part Two

"That was a lot of work."

"But doesn't that make it all so much rewarding?"

"No. It just makes me tired."

"Shut up, lazy ass. We're here."

Deadpool's inner monologue and his inner thoughts were constantly in some kind of argument; which was really nothing more than a clear indication of his mental state.

Before Deadpool ever got a name or a place where to meet, he had slammed down the phone in a fit of joy. The prospect of hot chicks and money always got the attention of Deadpool, so our apologizes to Bea Arthur.

"Lemme strike a pose before I knock," Deadpool mumbled to himself. His hands balled up and rested on his hips. His chest was puffed out and his head was being held high. Deadpool was trying to do his damnedest to look all hero like and whatnot.

"You haven't knocked yet."

"Knock for me, please?"

"I can't knock, I'm your inner thoughts."

"STOP TRYING TO BELITTLE ME!" Deadpool shouted. He was tried of his brain telling him what to do and stuff. Nobody tells Deadpool what to do, including his own brain. Deadpool considered himself an independent man, not tied down to anyone or anything. Deadpool did as he pleased and he didn't care what his brain thought of it.

"I see you're still crazy as ever, Wade," said a female voice with a hint of a southern twang. Deadpool had abandoned his impressive pose for something a little more awkward. His mask had wrinkled and scrunched up to match the scowl that the mask covered. He had one finger pointed up and just generally looked like the completely insane person that he is.

"Well, Inez, If I had known it was you, I would haven't brought anything because I never would have come in the first place," Deadpool retorted. Inez Temple(also known as Outlaw) and Deadpool(also known as Captain Awesome) tolerated one another after they both escaped the Weapon X facility. Deadpool firmly believes that Inez is completely ungrateful for his assistance in helping her escape. Even though Deadpool may have been getting tased and more or less in a state of helplessness, that doesn't change the fact that he got her out of their in the first place.

"What is it that you want, Inez?" Deadpool asked as he shoved his way into her place, practically swan diving onto her living room couch. If he was going to do a job for her, than we was more than certainly going to make himself at home.

"How is it that you found out it was me? I didn't leave any information for ya,"[/b] Inez asked.

"I guess I forgot to explain that in the earlier paragraphs," Deadpool said, scratching his head.

"What?"

"Nothing. It was just some easy computer hacking that I threatened Hydra Bob to do. So, what are you gonna pay me for?" Deadpool asked.

"We're gonna break back into Weapon X." Inez stated matter-of-factly.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?"